00:01 Stephen Colbert Folks, the 2016 election is less than a year away, which means we'll know who the next president is in a mere 11 sexy firemen. 00:12 And according to the latest poll, the GOP may finally have a clear front-runner, because according to a new Reuters-Ipsos-Pillsbury-toaster-strudel poll, Donald Trump now captures 42% of likely Republican primary voters. 00:27 And that has the GOP establishment shaking in their wingtips. 00:30 Soundbite Washington Post newspaper says that inside the Republican Party, in the sort of mainstream sort of establishment Republican Party, they are freaking out. 00:39 There's a feeling that, you know, both Trump and Carson are outsiders who have essentially hijacked the nominating process at this point. 00:46 They have huge leads. 00:47 The Republican political establishment is panicking, in sheer panic, over the staying power of Donald Trump and Ben Carson. 00:54 Stephen Colbert That's right, Republicans are upset that Trump and Carson are still in the race, especially Trump. 00:59 They were sure that by now he would have left it for a younger campaign. 01:04 And... And... And with the primaries getting closer by the minute, Republicans are so desperate, they are now looking to a very white knight. 01:23 Soundbite There's a report that there are some Republicans who are speaking to Mitt Romney. 01:26 Stephen Colbert Friends of Mitt Romney are talking about whether there's a way for Mitt Romney to get into this race. 01:31 Mitt Romney! 01:34 Frankly, I had no idea he wasn't in this race. 01:36 I mean... 01:39 He's in my graphic down there, right in the middle. 01:41 Look. 01:43 Jim, get him out of there. 01:45 Jim. 01:46 Jim, he's still in there. 01:48 Oh, that's a manila envelope. 01:49 I can't tell. 01:50 And... 01:53 Mitt! 01:55 Thank you, sir. 01:56 And Mitt has been keeping conservative hopes alive with his cryptic, cagey statements. 02:02 Would you run in 2016 under any circumstances? 02:06 Mitt Romney I'm not running. 02:06 The answer is no. 02:07 I put the chances at somewhere between zero and nil. 02:11 Stephen Colbert So there's a chance. 02:15 But whoever the GOP tries to draft, they better do it fast, because according to a former Republican advisor, you have Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, then Iowa, and a week later, New Hampshire, and it's going to be over in the blink of an eye. 02:30 The blink of an eye! 02:32 And Ben Carson's already halfway through that blink. 02:48 I don't know how he did surgery. 02:56 It must have been like Marco Polo. 02:58 Try to get the brain to yell. 02:59 Try to get the brain louder. 03:02 I can't see it. 03:04 The Republicans essentially have a week left to take down Trump because Thanksgiving dinner. 03:09 By that Thanksgiving dinner next week, people will stop worrying about the racist things some candidate might say and start worrying about the racist things their drunk aunt might say. 03:19 Rita, Alice's husband is from Honduras. 03:24 And if they don't want to work, how can they be taking all of our jobs? 03:28 Nobody's making you eat salsa, Rita. 03:31 You can still buy ketchup. 03:33 And while we're at it, all I asked was if you wanted white meat or dark meat. 03:38 The point, get her another drink. 03:39 Get her another drink. 03:41 The point is, if Trump does well in Iowa and New Hampshire, there is no stopping him. 03:46 Mitt Romney No Republican has won the nomination without winning either Iowa or New Hampshire. 03:50 Soundbite If Donald Trump wins Iowa, he's gonna win the Republican nomination. 03:52 I will say it again. 03:53 Stephen Colbert I don't actually think you need to say it. 03:55 Soundbite If Donald Trump wins Iowa, he's gonna win the Republican nomination. 03:57 Stephen Colbert Thank you, Morning Joe Coffee. 03:59 Very thorough. 04:00 And the GOP can't just sit around and hope that Donald Trump self-destructs. 04:05 Face it, he is in-self-destructible. 04:08 This is a guy who declared he was running for president, then immediately followed that up with, Mexicans are rapists and John McCain's a coward. 04:16 Nothing he says or does can turn off voters. 04:19 His campaign slogan might as well be, Trump 2016, you're stupid and ugly. 04:29 It's a powerful message. 04:32 So just, I want to help here. 04:34 The GOP needs to stop panicking over the idea of Donald Trump as your candidate and embrace it. 04:40 Instead of fighting this wave, learn to enjoy drowning. 04:45 It's gonna be okay. 04:45 Just take a deep breath of water and say the words out loud. 04:51 President Trump. 04:55 Sorry, I threw up in my mouth there just a little bit. 04:58 But that's not so bad. 04:59 Cows do that all the time. 05:01 Here, everybody say it with me. 05:03 One, two, three. 05:09 Now, was that so? 05:14 Look, here's the thing. 05:15 Just GOP, practice it at home. 05:17 Because Trump's doing well, and it'll help you prepare for when you start hearing sentences like, those who survived the disaster were consoled by a visit. 05:26 from President Trump. 05:28 Or today, the nuclear launch codes were handed over to President Trump. 05:34 Though, come to think of it, you might hear those sentences in a different order. 05:38 So trust me, Republicans, the sooner you accept how well he's doing, the sooner you can get started on his reelection campaign.