00:00 Stephen Colbert Don Batiste and stay human right there. 00:16 Right over there. 00:17 Welcome back. 00:18 It is so good. 00:18 It is so good to be back. 00:18 Real good to be back. 00:24 Listen, John, these people are excited. 00:29 I'm very excited tonight. 00:30 I'm very excited. 00:31 In just a minute here, we're going to have Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin sitting over here. 00:37 Yeah, yeah, that's right. 00:38 Old fans, fabulous actors. 00:38 I have made out with one of them. 00:40 I remember that. 00:41 I remember. 00:42 No, don't give it away. 00:44 We'll find out. 00:44 So, don't tell my wife. 00:47 So, what's going on? 00:50 Washington is a mess right now. 00:53 BUT THAT'S GOING TO END SOON. 00:55 BECAUSE THE WHITE HOUSE JUST ANNOUNCED THAT TRUMP'S SON-IN-LAW AND LEADER OF THE PREPPY CAMP ACROSS THE LAKE, JARED KUSHNER, WILL OVERSEE A BROAD EFFORT TO OVERHAUL THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT. 01:05 AND THE GOVERNMENT DESPERATELY NEEDS OVERHAUL. 01:08 SOMEBODY KEEPS PUTTING TOTALLY UNQUALIFIED PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF. 01:13 THAT'S GOT TO STOP. 01:22 KUSHNER WILL BECOME THE HEAD OF SOMETHING CALLED THE OFFICE OF AMERICAN INNOVATION. 01:27 VAGUE, BUT STILL BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL TITLE, THE BUREAU OF OBVIOUS NEPOTISM. 01:34 BUT... KUSHNER'S JOB WILL BE TO LEAD A TEAM TO FIX GOVERNMENT WITH BUSINESS IDEAS. 01:44 AND YOU KNOW HE'S GOT GREAT BUSINESS IDEAS, LIKE BEING BORN INTO A WEALTHY REAL ESTATE FAMILY. 01:49 OR... 01:51 MARRYING INTO A WEALTHY REAL ESTATE FAMILY. 01:54 WHY HASN'T THE GOVERNMENT TRIED THAT? 01:57 THE NEW OFFICE WILL BE STAFFED BY FORMER BUSINESS EXECUTIVES AND IS BEING DESCRIBED AS A SWAP TEAM OF STRATEGIC CONSULTANTS. 02:08 THERE IS A BUDGET REDUNDANCY IN THE BUREAU OF WEIGHTS AND MEASURES. 02:10 KICK IN THE DOOR AND SHOOT ANYTHING THAT MOVES. 02:15 KUSHNER HAS A BOLD VISION FOR THE OFFICE SAYING, THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE RUN LIKE A GREAT AMERICAN COMPANY. 02:23 AND IF THEY CAN'T DO THAT, RUN IT LIKE A TRUMP COMPANY. 02:28 KUSHNER... WE'RE LEAVING BANKRUPTCY. 02:35 YOU CAN GO BANKRUPT. 02:36 YOU CAN'T GO BANKRUPT. 02:37 NOW KUSHNER WENT ON TO EXPLAIN, OUR HOPE IS THAT WE CAN ACHIEVE SUCCESSES AND EFFICIENCIES FOR OUR CUSTOMERS WHO ARE THE CITIZENS. 02:46 HOLD IT A SECOND. 02:48 WE'RE NOT CUSTOMERS. 02:50 WE'RE CITIZENS, WHICH MEANS WE OWN THE STORE. 02:54 YOU WORK FOR US, BUDDY. 03:00 AND I GOTTA SAY, I GOTTA SAY, WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, BREAK TIME IS OVER. 03:07 WE GOTTA CLEAN UP IN AISLE FIVE, BECAUSE SOMEBODY TOOK A DUMP IN HEALTH CARE. 03:11 SO GET THE MOB AND GO DEAL WITH THAT, OKAY? 03:15 NO SMOKING. 03:17 IF YOU'RE GOING TO RESHAPE THE ENTIRE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT, YOU REALLY WANT TO GIVE IT TO SOMEONE WHO HAS TIME TO FOCUS ON IT. 03:25 LUCKILY, THE ONLY OTHER JOBS TRUMP HAS GIVEN KUSHNER ARE MANAGING THE DISPUTE WITH MEXICO OVER TRUMP'S BORDER WALL AND BROKERING MIDDLE EAST PEACE. 03:36 OKAY, THAT'S A LITTLE MUCH FOR ONE FAMILY MEMBER. 03:39 MAYBE THEY SHOULD GIVE MIDDLE EAST PEACE TO TIFFANY. 03:42 YEAH, THERE YOU GO. 03:44 THEY'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. 03:45 Of course, Jared will still have time for his hobbies, like testifying before the Senate Intelligence Committee on the Trump campaign's ties to Russia. 03:55 Well, not if he overhauls the government first. 03:58 Business idea number one, no Senate. 04:07 We'll just try it. 04:09 We'll just try it. 04:10 Let's just run it up the flagpole and see if anybody indicts me. 04:15 BECAUSE THERE IS ONE OTHER SMALL STORY OUT THERE I WASN'T HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT LAST WEEK. 04:20 THE FBI IS INVESTIGATING THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN FOR COLLUDING WITH RUSSIA DURING THE ELECTION. 04:26 AND YOU KNOW IT WAS A BUSY NEWS WEEK WHEN I'M ONLY GETTING TO THE TREASON AT 11.58. 04:34 LAST MONDAY. 04:37 LAST MONDAY, IS THAT RIGHT? 04:40 12.02. 04:44 Last Monday, FBI Director James Comey said this about an investigation that's been going on since July. 04:53 James Comey The FBI, as part of our counterintelligence mission, is investigating the Russian government's efforts to interfere in the 2016 presidential election. 05:04 And that includes investigating the nature of any links between individuals associated with the Trump campaign and the Russian government 05:13 Stephen Colbert WOW! 05:15 THE FBI IS INVESTIGATING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES FOR COLLUDING WITH A FOREIGN POWER. 05:21 THAT IS HISTORIC. 05:23 THE ONLY WAY IT COULD POSSIBLY BE MORE HISTORIC IS IF YOU TOLD US BEFORE THE ELECTION. 05:37 I KNOW YOU WERE BUSY CHECKING OUT THE WHOLE HILLARY EMAIL THING, BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE BEFORE THE THING. 05:45 The Trump administration denies there was any coordination between their campaign and the Russians. 05:49 Instead, Trump thinks the FBI needs to change the focus of the investigation, tweeting, the real story that Congress, the FBI, and all others should be looking into is the leaking of classified information. 06:01 Must find leaker now. 06:05 What? 06:06 What? 06:06 Are you... Do I hear you correctly? 06:09 You are mad that we found out something was happening with Russia. 06:13 That's like saying, stop looking for the burglars. 06:16 I want to know who installed the alarm system. 06:18 What did ADT know? 06:19 When did they know it? 06:21 Sloman, you can't hide behind that shield forever. 06:23 You must testify. 06:32 Find out. 06:32 One guy... 06:34 One guy under a lot of suspicion is former Trump advisor and man who bought a Ferrari with his aunt's Social Security checks, Paul Manafort, who in the past has been paid $13 million bills by pro-Russian agents in Ukraine. 06:51 But White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer says no big deal. 06:54 Sean Spicer There's been this discussion of Paul Manafort who played a very limited role for a very limited amount of time. 07:00 Stephen Colbert Yeah, yeah, limited role, limited amount of time. 07:03 Yeah, Manafort was only the campaign's chairman and chief strategist. 07:06 He didn't have an important job like son-in-law. 07:11 We'll be right back.